The Voice Within
by detective-smartypants
Summary: A spirit who had issues with an eating disorder in life possesses Melinda, and Melinda questions her own sanity. Will Jim find out soon enough to save Melinda from herself? or will things spiral out of control?
1. The pretty girl

Melinda looked in the mirror and grinned. Melinda was insecure about a lot of things about her, but one thing that had never bothered her was her body. Infact, she pretty much loved the fact that unlike 50% of girls today, she could just look at the mirror and smile at what she saw. She never looked at it and thought about what to improve, because to her there was nothing to improve.

She pulled on her small black dress, letting the loose material flow over her hips and just past her knees. She put on a little black waste belt and a pair of black Jimmy Choos.

She went down to the living room and smiled when she saw Jim, plating up a plate of french toast. "hey honey" she said, kissing him on the cheek "lookin hot" he said, smiling and kissing her on the lips. "easy tiger" she said, when he pushed her against the wall hungrily "I have work and im hungry" she laughed "kay sweety" he said, putting a plate of french toast and a glass of orange juice on the table "thanks" she said.

They ate breakfast togethere and soon, Melinda was leaving for work. "see you later honey" she said, kissing his cheek and jumping into the car. On the way, she played her Norah Jones Cd, singing along with the lyrics of 'Dont know why'.

She pulled up outside the store and walked happily inside, with a 'ding' from the bell. "Hey Delia" she said, smiling "b-e-auutiful day" she chirped "yeah, it is...why you in such a great mood?" Delia asked "I dont knwo, the weather, Jim...friends...everything" Melinda said happily "well, thats good, so how was your weekend?" Delia asked "great, i got heaps of new clothes, Jim and I saw a movie and had a lazy day yesterday, what about you?" Melinda asked "I just had a lazy weekend" she said, sipping on a cup of coffee. "okay, well we got a new shipment in" Delia said "okay, is it in the back?" Melinda asked "yeah, you wanna go look through it?" Delia asked "yeah, c'mon" Melinda said.

It was a large wooden Box, padlocked shut. Delia opened it, and Melinda begun to rummage through it, picking out random things and wondering what the story behind them was. Melinda picked up a necklace and suddenly she was thrown into a vision.

_It was blurry, but she could make out two people fighting, she could only vaguely hear their words "no, i dont want it!" " you have to your gonna kill yourself" "no!". She heard a plate smashing and their shouts got even louder "JUST STOP MAKING ME!!!!!!! IF I WANT TO, I WILL!" she could hear a girl scream "okay, but dont come to me for help!". _

With that Melinda was back in the store. She took a deep breath and sighed "you okay?" Delia asked "yeah, fine just had some sort of vision there" Melinda said "oh...any ghosts around?" Delia asked, looking around fearfully "nah, all clear" Melinda laughed "ugh, I always get the heeby jeebys" she laughed.

At about 10pm, Delia left the stor to go home, but Melinda decided to stay late and sort through some things. She was listening to a spot of music, trying to drown out the fearfull silence, when the CD skipped. "damn" she said, taking out the CD and wiping it, then placing it back in. But it didnt help, when she pressed the play botton nothing happened. "great" she said. Then, the lights started to flicker "great" Melinda said, she picked up her torch, knowing that ny second all the lights would go out. She wandered into the back room, and looked for the fuse box.

As she was about to click the button to get the lights working, she heard a bang behind her, she turned around quickly and screamed quickly, when she saw a young girl standing in front of her, she was really really pale, with hair as black as coal and she was wearing a hospital gown. She looked at Melinda, "i dont want to" she whispered "you dont want to what?" she asked "I cant...why are they making me do it" she said shakily "I dont understand" Melinda said, before the girl could explain, she dissapeared.

**Tell me what you think!:) **


	2. The Vulnerability

**Thanks for the reviews!:) xx**

Melinda went home straight after the ghost was gone and Jim was already in bed, She went into the bedroom and got into pyjamas then lay in the bed next to him. Closing her eyes and falling asleep straight away.

_"dont make me eat it" she said, Melinda looked and saw the girl sitting at a table with a plate of food infront of her "please...I just dont want to eat it mom" she said, looking at the foor fearfully "you have to please just eat it" she replied. The girl had tears rolling down her cheeks as she swallowed the food, once she had eaten half of the plate of food, she looked at her mom, or thats who melinda had assumed it was, and she sighed "i've had enough" she said, exusing herself from the table and walking up to her bedroom. She stood infront of the morror and sighed. She pulled up her top and revieled her stomach. Her ribs stuck out painfully and her hip-bones were beyond prominant. _

Melinda jumped up in bed and sighed. She lay back down and took a deep breath. "you okay?" she heard Jim say, she turned around and nodded her head "yeah, im fine" she said "kay...go back to sleep then" he said, kissing her head "night" she said "night" he said quietly, drifting off into a deep sleep.

The next morning Melinda woke up and got dressed for work, she couldnt stop thinking about the ghost, she really wanted to help her, but she didnt understand what she wanted.

She arrived at work and started to help Delia go through things, when suddenly, a display of plates begun to crash to the ground and the lights flickered on and off "what do you want?!" Melinda shouted "I can only help you if you tell me what you want!" she said, suddenly everything stopped and the young girl appeared in front of Melinda, "I dont need your help! but soon, you will be the one begging for help!" she shouted "w-what do you mean?" Melinda asked quietly "Im sick of people making me do things I dont want to, and someone has to pay" she said, "what do you mean, I dont understand" Melinda said "you think your so perfect, you have it all...i had nothing, so im making YOU pay" she said, before dissapearing. Melinda looked at delia, "you okay?" she asked "yeah...I'm fine...just confused" she said "what?" she asked "I-I dont know, I think i need to sit down" she said, as suddenly she started to feel dizzy "hey, whats wrong?" she asked "I just n-need to sit do..." she said, her voice faded as she started to fall, Delia caught her and sat her on a chair "Melinda, whats up?" she asked franically, Melinda was thrown into a vision.

_She was looking in the mirror, but she didnt see her own reflection, it was the young girls, she looked cofused, scared "why does it have to be so hard" she said "why don't they understand me" she started to cry. Melinda started to have flashes of her life, of her being happy, looking in the mirror and feeling happy, seeing what she wanted to see, what made her feel amazing. "YOU CANT HAVE THAT" she heard someone shout, she was having flashes of her own life, mixed in with flashes of the young girls life "you cant be happy, your fat, no one likes you, your ugly, useless!" she screamed, Melinda didnt know if she was shouting at herself or Melinda, but somehow, the words felt true, like Melinda was begining to understand..._

Melinda came back to reality, delia was holding onto her shoulders, shouting her name. "D-Delia, sorry" she said shakily, she took a deep breath and blinked untill her mind was clear "what happened?" she asked "I had a vision" she said "what happened?" she asked "i don't really know, nothing important" she said, standing up "sure?" she asked "yeah" she said, then Melinda stood up and went to the counter "whats your pllans for tonight?" Delia asked "Jim and I are gonna go for dinner then catch a movie, what about you?" she asked, "hm...watch some tv and listen to Ned shouting at his computer screen" she laughed, Melinda smiled and chuckled. 

The next morning Melinda woke up and went for a shower then pulled out an outfit to wear. She put on a dress and looked in the mirror. She suddennly got a flash of the vision she had the previous day,

_"you cant be happy, your fat, no one likes you, your ugly, useless!" she screamed, Melinda didnt know if she was shouting at herself or Melinda, but somehow, the words felt true_

"yuck" she said, looking at her reflection "this just doesnt sit right" she sighed and took it of, then pulled on a different dress "god, i must have put on weight, none of these dresses look right" she said to herself. She settled for a black dress and a black cardigen.

She went down to the kitchen where Jim was making bacon rolls "hey honey, sit down and ill give you some" he said._ Maybe I shouldn't I mean, what if thats why I dont look right in the dresses, maybe i should just have a glass of water, an apple. _"uh...Its cool, i dont want any" she said, taking a bottle of water out of the fridge "sure?" he asked "yeah" she said, Jim looked at her and smiled, see you later beautifull" "yeah, bye" she said, _Funny, he called me beautifull, Is he seeing the same person that I just saw?_

**The big stuff will some soon, i feel like im already rushing into stuff, but still...tell me what you think! x **


	3. The Insecurity

_**When there's no one else,  
Look inside yourself  
Like your oldest friend  
Just trust the voice within  
Then you'll find the strength  
That will guide your way  
You'll learn to begin  
To trust the voice within**_

Melinda pulled on one of Jims jumpers and a pair of pyjama bottoms then went down to the livingroom. She took seat Next to Jim on the sofa and cuddled up to him, he made her feel so loved, so accepted and most of the time, he made her feel worth it. But over the last couple of days, she felt like she wasnt good enough for him, she wasnt beautiful enough for him. Even to herself, this felt strange, because she had never ever felt this way before, well not in the way she was now, so why was she having these feelings all of a sudden? Why did she just feel like she wasnt good enough to anyone, like she was a piece of trash.

"want to order in chinese?" Jim asked "sure" Melinda said quietly "what do you want?" he asked "uh...ill just have some plain chow mein" she said "really? you always get chicken curry" he said "nah, I'm not all that hungry" she said "okay, Ill order it now, you go pick a movie" he said, Melinda went up to the room and looked through the DVD pile, then took out 'The Unborn', When she stood up, she cought herself in the mirror. _Look at you, your a discrace._ She sighed and looked up and down at herself._ You're so ugly, you really need to lose some of that elephant fat. _She turned away quickly and went down to the living room, she sat the DVD on the coffee table and sat on the sofa "Jim" she shouted in to the kitchen "yeah?" he shouted back, she could hear him getting the plates out, the bottle of wine "you can have mines, I'm going to bed" she said, he walked into the living room and looked at her worredly "whats up?" he asked "nothing, I'm just feeling tired" she lied "okay" he said, she stood up and made her way over to him, she took his hands and looked into his eyes. _He wont love you if you dont lose that weight, you're ugly. _"I love you" she whispered "love you too babe, call me if you need anything" he said, and kissed her.

Melinda went up to the room and lay in the bed, she was just laying looking up at the ceiling, when she was thrown into a vision.

_She was sitting at the kitchen table, Jim was watching her as she scraped the food around on the plate "honey, is everything okay?" he asked "not hungry" she said "okay" She pushed away from the table and walked into the bathroom, where she stood infront of the mirror. She was wearing a long baggy Jumper and leggings "see Melinda, he doesnt care" said the ghost "im confused, what are you talking about?" Melinda asked "look at yourself" she said, Melinda looked in the mirror again "what are you talking about?" she asked "your fat, no one wants you" she said"maybe you're right" she said, "Maybe its just taken me this long to notice how worthless I am._

Melinda came back to reality, Jim was stading at the edge of the bed, taking of his trousers to climb into bed. "hey, you're awake" he said, he sat next to her and looked at her, she pulled the covers over her and smiled "yeah, what time is it?" she asked "ten to twelve" he said, kissing her on the cheek, she pulled away and lay her head on the pillow "s'up?" he asked, Melinda thought of the vision, the way she felt so useless, ugly. "I'm fine" she said "sure?" he asked "yeah, night" she said "I love you" he said "I love you too" she said, before pretending to be asleep.

She wasn't quite sure why she was acting this way, but something was making her feel insecure and she didn't like it, she felt like she _had _to change something, improve something. And the only thing that she noticed needed changing was her weight, though she knew Jim wouldnt be happy about it, so the only choice she had was to hide it.

**Two weeks later. **

"Melinda, what do you want for dinner?" Jim asked, Melinda sighed and looked at him angrily "nothing, i already said i wanted nothing, i had a big lunch" she said "what did you have then?" he asked "a cheese and ham toastie and a chocolate chip cookie" she lied "are you sure you dont want dinner?" he asked "im sure, okay!" she said, angrily, walking away. She ran up to the bedroom and into her closet, where she pulled out a large T-shirt and a pair of jeans. She took off the Jumper and Jogging bottoms she was wearing and stood at the mirror with nothing but her underwear on. _you will NEVER be good enough. _ Melinda fell to the floor, sobbing. She crossed her legs and sat with her face on upturned palms. Suddenly, she wasn't so alone, before her stood the young girl, who she had saw tqo weeks earlier.

"leave me alone" Melinda whispered, the girl laughed bitterly "doesnt feel good, does it?" she asked evily "p-please go away, i need to t-think" Melinda didn't understand what the ghost meant, but she knew that she couldnt handle her at the moment "you really are useless, just like me....enoy" she said, then she disspeared.

After crying for a further five minutes, but to Melinda, it felt like much longer, she left the room and went down to the kitchen.

She took a deep breath and looked at the fridge door. _Oh, you need food, do you? to make you feel fat...to make you look fat. _Melinda opened the door and took out a bottle of water. "Mel?" Jim said, standing at the doorway, she turned around and looked at him "are you okay?" he asked "yeah, why do you ask?" she asked, taking a sip of water "you look like you've been crying" he said "well, no i haven't, I'm going out" she said, passing him and looking around for her bag "where?" he asked "the gym" she said "why? you dont need to go there?" he said "yeah...i think you'll find i do" she said angrily "no, you dont" he said, lookin at her worredly "why are you looking at me like that?" she asked "nothing, i'll see you tonight" he said "bye".

Later that night, Melinda arrived home and saw Jim watching TV. "hey, listen...i'm sorry about earlier, you can go there if you want" he said, Melind took a seat on the couch and smiled at him "okay, and its fine" she said, he drew her in close and started to kiss her, he pushed her back on the couch and sat on her, kissing her neck hungrily, he was about to pull her jumper off when she rolled off the couch quickly "no!" she said, standing up quickly "Mel?" he asked "no, i dont want you to do that!" she said "what?" he asked, she tok a shaky breath and started to walk away "mel?" he asked "i dont want you to take my clothes off, i dont want you to see me, okay?!" she shouted and ran up to their bedroom, slamming the door shut.

Jim didnt know what was going on, had he said something wrong? Why was she acting this way?

_Was the love fading?_

_**PLEASE review x:) **_


	4. The liar

**Thanks for the reviews x**

Melinda woke up early the next day, Jim was asleep beside her. But unlike any other day, his arms weren't wrapped around her protectivly.

With a frown on her face, she sighed at the task ahead of her and walked toward the closet. After a long thought, her decision was a baggy t-shirt that sat just abover her knees, a pair of dark jeggins and a pair of black Uggs.

Melinda stood in the shower and let the water pour down as she stared at the wall, lost in thought. _Why can't I just like me the way I am? Why can't I just be like everyone else? Why do I need to lie? _

When the shower was done and Melinda was dressed, she stood infront of the mirror for ten minutes, trying to avoid tears. _Just stay calm Melinda, don't let Jim see you like this. _Melinda put on some make-up and smiled. It might have been fake, but it was better than nothing.

By the time Melinda had got ready, and walked down to the kitched, Jim had prepared french toast and coffee.

"hey" Melinda quietly mumbled, taking a bottle of water out of the fridge. "Morning" Jim said, walking over to her and placing his arms around her waste, Melinda sighed and pulled away. "what's up?" he asked, looking into her distant eyes.

Melinda turned away. _Why does he always have to ask questions? _"nothing" she almost whispered. She hated lying, but at this moment in time, it seemed to be the only thing she could do.

Jim decided not to press on the issue, just to let her be. He knew how stubborn Melinda could be, but he just couldnt help but worry for her, he couldn't stand the thought of ever having to let go of her.

"sit down babe, have something to eat", He pulled the chair out from the table and led her over. "Jim, I'm in a hurry" Melinda moaned, trying to stand up "I need to get to work" she said, when he pushed her back down. "babe, you have to eat". Melinda Looked and Jim and huffed. "no, what i need to do is to get to work. Now, unless you want to force feed me like a baby then I am going" she stood up and grabbed her bag.

_I cant believe how I'm acting...apoligise, say something before he gets hurt. _

"I'll eat something later, I promise" she said, kissing him on the cheek and leaving. "love you" Jim whispered. Still wondering. _Had he done somethin wrong?_

It didnt take long for Melinda to arrive in the town square. Sometimes Melinda felt like she could just sit in the middle of all of this and just stay there for hours, not saying or doing anything. There was something about it, the way the sun shined over it, bringing it to life,

emphisising the bright, vibrant colours. The way the children played at the monument and laughed and smiled innocently. Just, _everything_.

Melinda walked into _Same As It Never Was _and smiled when she saw Delia sitting at the front desk.

"good Morning Melinda" Delia chirped.

Melinda looked at her and did her best to pretend. "morning" she said, sounding less cheery than she had intended.

"everything okay?" Delia asked, noticing Melinda's unusual tone. Melinda sighed and smiled again, "everything is fine" she tried to sound reassuring, but she wasnt sure if it was working. She waited for a responce, and took it as a pass when Delia just smiled.

Melinda walked into the back room and started to sort through the large box of reciepts and order forms. Every now and again, she would hear someone talking or the phone ringing, but other than that, she liked the idea of being left alone for a while.

After a Long morning of serving the costomers through the front, Delia sighed when she begun to hear her belly screaming for food. She glanced and the clock and smiled. _Just in time for lunch._ She thought to herself, as she walked into the back room to invite Melinda and get her jacket and bag. "Lunch time" Delia announced to a very tired looking Melinda. She looked up from her work and smiled "i'm not all that hungry" she said, looking back at what she was doing.

Delia sighed and picked up she and Melinda's jackets. "well, you're eating lunch" she insisted. Melinda looked up, with a non-pleased look on her face "no, Delia. I'm not eating lunch, I just told you that I'm not hungry" she said. Delia sighed and sat down across from her.

"listen" she started, looking into Melinda's eyes. "Jim called this morning, he's really worried". Melinda looked angry now, _what is there to worry about, why cant he just leave me alone? _"Melinda, yesterday you told him that you had eaten a large lunch, so you weren't hungry at dinner time. But at lunch time, you told me you couldnt eat because you had a large breakfast, which Jim told me you haden't...what's going on?" she asked, trying to get her to let her know why she was acting this way.

"nothing" Melinda very nearly whispered "everything's fine" she lied.

Delia sighed and looked at her, "you need to eat", Melinda looked at her again and this time anger washed over her "I do eat" she snapped "no, Mel. You are making up excuses, you think that no one is noticing?". Melinda looked away, tears came to her eyes. She wasnt quite sure herself why she was acting this way, so she just didnt know what to say to Delia without sounding crazy.

"please Dee, just leave it be" she said, the tears started fall faster. "I-i just want to be left to do what i w-want...please just _please_ leave me" she cried.

Delia looked at her, her face held a look of worry "Im sorry, I'm just worried" she said, she walked over to her and took her hand "we love you the way you are Mel, please...just remember that".

Melinda sighed. _No they don't, they need to say that, they want you to be better, to look better. _Melinda stood up and grabbed her jacket "uh...I'm not feeling good, I need to go home" she lied "okay, are you going to eat when you get in?" she asked, Melinda smiled "sure" she said, walking out of the store.

_But was it just another lie?_

**Srry, it was an incredibly short chap, but im not really in the mood atm x PLEASE reviewx **


	5. The broken

**Thanks for the awesome reviews x **

_the fake smile may be there, but the tears aren't far behind._

Melinda walked into the house and settled her stuff by the door. she walked into the kitchen and sighed. _I promised i'd eat something, I need to at least try. _She opened the fridge and looked at all the food Jim had brought in earlier that day. _I cant eat that, I just cant. _She slammed the door shut and pulled a loaf of bread out of the bread-bin. She took out one piece of wholemeal bread and then spread some philidelphea cheese. _just eat it, Melinda. Just try._ She sat at the kitchen table and tore the little pieces of bread up, after 20 minutes, she had ate the whole piece, and another, just to please whoever it was that needed pleasing. After she was finished, she lay down on the couch and fell asleep.

Jim came home not that long after, Delia had called him, letting him know what had happened and although he knew that Melinda needed to be alone, he still had a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach and wanted to talk to Melinda.

When he got into the kitchen, he smiled when he saw the plate that she had the bread sitting on. He saw the opened loaf of bread and the cheese on the counter. _Maybe I was wrong, maybe everything is fine. _He thought to himself as he cleaned the mess. When he was done, he carried Melinda up to the room and smiled when she stirred after he layd her down on the bed. "hey" he said, she looked at him and smiled, but then, as if she had realised something, her smile dissapeared. "whats wrong?" he asked, sitting next to her. "I cant belive what you did" she snapped, Jim looked at her confused. "wha-" "you called Delia and told her I dont eat...Jim what the hell?" she said, angrily "me, babe...im worried about you is all" he said, trying to clear the air "i dont care, that's not an excuse...I just cant believe you" she said angrily "I'm sorry" he said, ashamedly "night", she put her head on the pillow and closed her eyes "night, i love you" Jim replied and lay down too.

_"Melinda" _A whisper woke Melinda up from her deep sleep. She sat up in the bed and walked towards the whisper "Melinda, Melinda" repeating her name over and over. She Shivered when the air turned into a chilled mist. She looked around, the room was murky, dull. "who's there?" she whispered "Melinda" she heard the whisper again. "who is it, please tell me who is there, show yourself" she said, she heard someone behind her, she turned around quickly to see the youg girl standing there, she looked angry "how can he still love you...he will find out soon" she said angrily "im going to make you lose everything" "you're doing this?" she asked "you dont deserve love...you're nothing, you're ugly" she whispered evily "no, no, stop it" Melinda said, covering her ears as the girl whispered over ad over tormentingly, "ugly, fat, ugly, not worth it..." Melinda fell to her knees and covered her ears, curling in a ball "stop it...please, stop it!" she screamed.

Jim came running to her and fell to his knees beside her, "Melinda, its me. It's Jim. Mel, come on, you're okay" he said, trying to get her to calm down. "sorry jim" she whispered, when she had finallly managed to calm her erratic heartbeat. "babe, you dont need to be sorry, lets go back to bed, okay" he said, helping her up "love you" she whispered. She followed him into the bedroom and cuddled up with him, letting sleep wash over her soon enough.

**2 days later. **

Melinda woke up with a blinding headache. She sat up and sighed. Jim was down in the kitchen, making the breakfast that she knew she'd find an excuse to skip. She went down to the kitchen after a quick shower and getting dressed into an outfit that she didnt care about. Just a baggy jumper and a pair of jeans. "morning honey" Jim said, still facing the pan of french toast. "morning" she said quietly, taking a bottle of water out of the fridge and rummaging through her bag for some asprin.

Jim turned around and sighed. "whats up?" he asked "sore head" she mumbled, taking the pills. "maybe you should stay home, I dont want a repeat of yesterday" he said, Melinda sighed. "Jim, i swear i'm fine, the only reason i was so dizzy was because It was so hot" she said "Mel, it wasn't that hot" he said "jim, yes it was, i got to go" she said, picking up her bag bag and slipping on a pair of trainers. "mel, breakfast?" he said, uh...im going to meet Delia for breakfast" she said, kissing him on the cheek, and running out the house before he could say anything.

***

"hey mel" Delia said as, as Melinda walked into the shop. "hey" Melinda said, walking into the back room and sitting her stuff down on the table. "how are you feeling?" Delia asked, "i'm fine" Melinda lied. Truth was, her head was spinning and she felt like she could sleep for a hundred years. "you sure?" she asked, noticing Melinda looked a little pale. "I'm fine" Melinda said, starting to get a bit irritated. "ok" Delia left the room and Melinda took a seat.

Meanwhile, Delia was calling Jim.

"Jim, hey, It's Delia" she said in a hush tone "hey, whats up?" he asked "i think Melinda should go home, shes not looking well at all, but she wont listen to me" she said "what did she eat at breakfast?" he asked "breakfast?" "yeah, she said you and her were going to meet for breakfast". Delia sighed "no we didnt make anuy pla-". Delia stopped talking when she heard a bang coming from the back room.

"Melinda?" she called into the room "are you okay?" she shouted. She didnt get an answer and worry washed over her, still holding the phone in her hand she gasped when she saw Melinda laying on the floor, her skin pale and her eyes closed. "Jim, oh god" she said, running over to Melinda. "what, whats happened?" he asked, worried "she's collapsed, oh shit, Melinda? can you hear me?" she asked frantically, shaking her shoulder. "Jim, help" she said shakily. "Delia, check her pulse and breathing, ill come over now and I'll stay on the phone to you" Jim said. "her pulse is a bit weak, she's breathing" she said, Jim could hear slight relief in her voice. "okay, well, i'm nearly there" Jim said, then a couple of minutes later he came running into the store.

"Melinda, baby, wake up for me please" he said, checking her pulse again. "okay, i think we need to get her to the hospital" Jim said, "ill take her in the car, you can come with me" he said "okay" Delia said, Jim picked Melinda up and carried her out to the car, Delia closed up the store and they left for the hospital.

***

"Jim, she'll be okay" Delia said. They had been waiting for 20 minutes. "Delia, im so worried about her" he said, sitting down and shaking his leg. "why?" she asked "she is hiding things from me, somethings going on and I dont know what it is" he said "yeah, you get that feeling too?" she said. "I dont know what to say to her, but Delia, im worried about more than that" he said "her eating?" delia said. He looked at her and sighed "yes".

Delia took a seat next to her. "I've noticed it too, there's always an excuse, this isn't like her...she used to be so happy about the way she looked, and now shes just not". Jim looked at her "she wont get close to me, she wont let me hold her, there is definetly something going on, and I need to get to the bottom of it, before its too late" he sighed.

Soon, a doctor came out of Melinda's room and walked over to them "Mr clancy" he said, Jim stood up and shook the doctors hand "how is she?" he asked quickly. "she's woke up, she's asking for you" he said, "follow me" he said, leading them into Melinda's room. "she smiled when she saw Jim and he took a seat by the bed. "hey" he said "hi, what happened?" she asked "you collapsed" he said, "mel, whats going on?" he asked "what do you mean?" she asked, knowing exactly what he meant. "mel, I know you are hiding stuff from me and it's really worrying me, please talk to me". Melinda looked at him and sighed "I'm fine, really, I promise, nothings going on" she said. Jim looked at her, angry and stood up.

"if you are going to lay there and lie to me, then Im just going to leave before I say something stupid" he snapped "stupid, like what?" she asked "mel. now, you lsten to me and you listen close. you think you are hiding it, but i can see right through you, you're not eating, thats why you collapsed today, thats why you got so dizzy yesterday...and i'm guessing thats why you wont let me get close to you, incase i notice a difference, what the hell happened to the Melinda who loved the way she looked, who didn't care what other people thought about her image, where is she?!" he said angrily. "Jim...I'm right here, I dont know what you are talking about I-I swear" she said quietly, knowing that she was lying, but she just couldn't tell the truth.

_One day I will be beautifull and that day, Ill be able to hold my head up high and know that there doesnt have to be lies. _


	6. The savior

_**Oh, those walls you put up. Is there a reason for them? Are they to keep people **_

_**out? Or to provide a challenge for someone that cares?**_

Melinda was sitting at the table with a plate of food sitting in front of her. Jim tried not to look at her as she scraped the food around, taking little bites here and there. He had already ate a full plate of lasagna and she had hardly even touched it. She seemed to distant, it had been two days since she had been released from the hospital and she seemed to be so distant. She hardly spoke a word to him, she wouldnt touch food. Jim didnt know what to do. He was starting to see small differences in her, she was losing weight, she was trying to cover it...but he could see and it was killing him that she wouldnt listen to him.

Melinda dropped her fork and sighed. "i've had enough" she whispered and walked away into the living room. Jim gave a frustrated sigh and put the leftovers in the bin. He wanted to cry, he wanted to cry to show her just how much it hurt him what she was doing. But he couldnt, he couldnt do that to her. He went into the living room and took a seat next to her. "you want to watch a movie?" he asked "not really" she mumbled "im tired, i think im going to bed". She went to sit up, but Jim pushed her back softly. "I need to talk to you". Melinda sighed "what?" she asked " mel...im scared...you are scaring me" he said "why am i scaring you?" she asked, Jim didnt look pleased, he knew that she knew why...but she just chose to ignore it. "Melinda in the hospital, you said to me...you told me that you were okay, and for a minute i believed you, but now, i dont...the past two days, you havn't ate a thing, you dont look me in the eye, i mean you slept on the couch last night" he said.

Melinda didnt look him in the eyes, she looked down at her hands and started to fidget. "I-I dont know what you're talking about" she whispered through her tears that had started to fall. "mel, you do and you need to help yourself before its too late" he said, taking her hand "I dont want to lose you through this" he said "how could you lose me?" she asked "mel..." "i cant do this, I'm going to bed " she said, running up to the room.

Jim woke up early and sighed when he noticed that Melinda was really pale. "Mel, wake up" he said, shaking her, she opened her eyes and sighed. "you okay?" he asked "ugh...i feel like crap" she grumbled. "call in sick for me" she mumbled. Jim nodded. Melinda hated to miss work, she never missed work for anything, normally it took him a lot of persuasion to get her to stay off. This made him even more worried. Jim picked up the phone and dialled Delias number. "hey" she said, in a bright cheery tone. "hi, listen Delia its Jim, Melinda isnt feeling all that great and asked me to call in sick for her, sorry...if you need an extra hand im here" he said "no, thats fine...tell her I said to get better".

Jim got Melinda a glass of water and pain killers, then took them up to the room. He felt her temp and woke her up. "here" he said, handing her the pills and water. "thanks" she said quietly. "feeling any better?" he asked "no, not really" she said sadly "maybe i should call the doc" he suggested. Melinda looked at him as if he said somethin rediculous. "no" she said. He didnt take it further, if she said no, it meant _no. _

He made her some soup and left it with her, then went down to the living room to watch some tv. Meanwhile Melinda was up in the bedroom, having a battle with her demons. _Eat it, just eat it...you need to eat it. __**dont eat it, you'll become fat, you look like hell...you're ugly, do you want to be even more ugly? do you want Jim to leave you because you are so fat?**__ I cant live like this forever, i need to eat it, I need to make myself better. __**you wont feel better when you have a heart attack. **_Melinda grabbed the bowl and ate every bit of it, against the voice in her head screaming how bad it was for her. When she was done, she put the plate on the floor and lay her head down on the pillow. _**You just ate so many calories you will look like a sumo wrestler soon, you are fat, look at you, go look in that mirror, see that belly, its gonna get even more fat, no one wants you like that. **_Melinda's stomach did a sumersault and she ran to the bathroom, throwing everything she had just ate back up. Jim could hear her being sick, he didnt know if she had made herself sick or what but it tore him up. She needed help and he couldnt give her it.

The next couple of days were the same, Melinda didnt eat, and she didnt speak, she didnt look at Jim. She was becoming severely down. It was scaring Jim, he wanted to hold her, tell her that he loved her the way she was, but he couldnt. She wouldn't let him near her. It was now a week after she got out of the hospital. Melinda was in bed, tired and ill. Jim had called the doctor round the night before, she had a dangerously high temp, the doctor took some bloods and said theyd get the results in a few days, so all they had to do was wait.

"Mel, please try and eat something, a piece of fruit, salad...anything, i'm begging you, I'm scared baby, please just try your best to eat anything" he cried. She shook her head and buried hreself under the covers. Jim sighed and left the room.

He needed to get her to listen, he just didnt know how.

**Sorry, short chapter. blah. sorry. **


	7. The ignorance

**Thanks for the reviews.**

Jim and Melinda had been to the doctors and Melinda had descovered that she had low blood sugars, nothing really as long as she could keep it under controll and didnt let it develop into something more severe. Jim noticed that melinda seemed to be eating more, trying harder than she had before. Maybe things weren't quite as bad as he thought they were.

Melinda was sitting at the dinner table eating a bowl of pasta, Jim wasnt really paying any attention to her, he thought that maybe not keeping a close eye on her would be a good idea, that way she wouldn't feel preassured to eat. He smiled at the end of the meal when nearly all of the plate was polished off. "so, wanna go out somewhere?" he asked, Melinda sighed "not really, I need to do something" she said "what?" "store stuff" she replied quietly. He kissed her head and she smiled gently, "i am going to go to the store and get us some DVDs and snacks then" he said "bu-" "no choice in the matter" and with that he left.

Melinda sighed and hung her head low, ashamed. She was lying to him. She pulled a little bag out from the cupboard and scooped the pasta up that she had been pretending to eat from the side of her plate. She had been hiding it with her napkin and for some reason Jim hadn't noticed. She put the bag at the bottom of the bin and sat down at the couch. She held her face in her palms and tried her best to bite back the tears. She really _hated _lying to Jim. But at the same time, she felt like she _needed _to.

She was finding small ways to hide it, anything so that he wouldnt get angry at her. It was tearing her up inside, but she just couldnt stop, she tried to make herself eat something, but everytime there was that voice, the one that told her that what she was doing was wrong.

Jim came home with 2 dvds and a big bag of doritos, He let Melinda pick the DVD, she opted for 'Jumper'. They cuddled down on the sofa and soon Melinda fell into a sleep.

_**PLEASE dont complain about the length of the chapter. I really AM sorry for how incerdibly short it is, im swamped with schoolwork and I'm just not in the writing mood x Review pleaseee! Reaganxo**_


	8. The fighter

**A/N: I hope to god someone picks up ghost Whisperer, today I walked into school and i swear to god like 10 people walked up to me before i got through the doors and went 'omg, reagan I was on msn and on msn today it says gw was cancelled, omg i thought of you straight away' i was like GOD DON'T DO THIS TO ME :'( so yeah, i seem to be getting texts from people rubbing iit in with 'haha no more gw for reagan' x( they are awesome friends, eh? HA! Anyway, i got some free time in between studying for my damn maths exam and used it to write :) x**

After a while at work, Melinda was beginning to feel sick. She had eaten a handfull of bran flakes, moistened by a drop of water and it was now 3pm. She was lathargic and lightheaded, she just wanted to go home and sleep. Delia came into the store with 2 coffees -an apology for the late start- and took one look at mel then let out a sigh. "melinda, you are sick" she stated. Melinda shook her head and plastered a smile on her face "feel fine, honest" she said. Delia sighed again "Melinda, i'm not stupid, you are ill". Melinda shook her head again "Delia, i am _fine"_, Delia rolled her eyes in defeat and handed Melinda the coffee "this should keep you awake, seeing as you look like you're about to keel over" she laughed. "thanks".

After many tiring and oh so fun hours of inventory, Mel looked at the clock. It was already 9pm, yet she still had a lot more to get through. She frowned and Delia noticed straight away. "you wanna go home, i'll call ned, he can help me with this" she said "nah, i can take another few hours, i'm just a tiny bit ti-" she was broken off with a huge yawn "tired" she finished. "yeah, tiny bit my butt, go home, now" she ordered, throwing mels bag at her. "you sure?" she asked, Delia glanced at her, one of those, 'are you stupid, i wouldnt have asked if i didnt mean it' glances. "guess that means yes" Mel laughed and picked her bag and coat up, and started to walk out the door, but just as she opened the door a cold wind blew in the store and knocked down a display, Melinda went to pick up a necklace and was thrown into a vision.

_There was a little girl, sitting in a room, it looked like a doctors room. Melinda was watching her speaking, but there was no-one else in the room. She was speaking to Melinda. "i never felt myself slipping into it. I couldn't tell that I was slipping at all. I just felt insecure and afraid. It was a stiffling sence of inadequacy, little by little, a fear of overwhelming disappoinment. It eats you up from the inside, that feeling. I was never good enough, never pretty enough, never....anything. My insecurities were compounded by the thought of leaving home to go to college, i was so close to my parents, i didn't want to grow up. So, i started to control thhe only thing i could - my eating. I thought that i could regress back to looking like a little girl, back when life was easy. Something felt completely safe about that...but it was the opposite. As i started to go through this, my parents started to notice. I had never thought of the word 'anorexia', it was never something that I could relate to. So, when we went to see a doctor, and he referred me to another and i was diagnosed...i didn't believe it, and i didnt want to get better. I saw the look in my parents eyes, and i knew that it was __**my**__ fault, nothing or no one else was to blame, just me. Then, they thought i was getting better, but i was good at hiding things, great at hiding things. I died. They couldn't help me. I started to watch from above, watch my parents as they couldnt move on with their lives, they grew further apart and got a divorce, my sister -feeling lost and lonely- started to do things my parents didnt notice, started to show signs of the same thing i had...she was hurting herself, depressed and angry, and now..theres nothing I can do to help her, all i can do it stay here, and watch from the sidelines, screaming into the emptiness that she has to stop...but no one can hear me, no one". _

Suddenly Melinda was back in the store, being supported be Delia, she was falling to the side. She let her knees go weak and fell to them, letting them hit the hard floor. She breathed in and out a couple of times to break though the haze in her mind. "mel?" Delia said, she bent down with Melinda and held her hand. She noticed that tears were falling down her cheeks. "do you want me to call Jim?" she asked. Melinda nodded her head. She listened to Delia, Telling Jim that he needed to come and be with Melinda, that something was wrong. She couldn't think straight. The only thing that was running through her mind was a strong feeling of guilt, anger and confusion. Was she beginning to be like this girl, was there any way she could help her, knowing that all the feelings that she had explained were like the ones MElinda had been feeling every day for the past few months?

Time was passing quickly, she heard Jim in the store and she heard him beside her. "mel, im gonna take you home, okay?" he said. Melinda nodded distantly. She tried to get up, but for some reason her legs were too weak and wobbly. "i've gotyah" he said, picking her up with ease ad carrying her out to the car. Melinda took a breath and finaly turned round to look at Jim. "i need help" she whispered. "what?" he asked, he wasn't sure what she was tlaking about, but he had a smidgen of a clue. "we need to go see someone, now" Melinda said "i'll book an appoinment, but tomorrow you are staying in bed, you are sick" he stated, starting the car. He started to drive along the road. "i-i had a vision" melinda mumbled "what about?" he asked "a girl, about 18, she-she was sick, she wants me to help her i think...but i dont know if i can". Jim looked at her for a second then back to the road "and why's that?" he asked. Melinda shook her head and looked away out to the window "i don't know" she whispered.

They got back to the house and Jim helped Melinda back in, even though she insisted that she was okay. He made her lay on the couch with a blanket and turned on the tv. "I can go to bed, Jim, it's 10pm" she moaned "i know, but that means, i cant do...this" he leaned over her and kissed her softly "yeah you can" she looked at him and chuckled "well, but its always in the bed, how about a change?" he winked. "mmm" he crashed his lips onto hers and she sat next to him on the floor. Jim took Melindas T-shirt of and suddenly, became less passionate. He tried to hold back his gasp, but he couldnt. She had lost so much more weight than he had thought. "mel" he whispered in shock. "i-i" she couldnt even come up with an excuse. "sorry" she cried. Tears fell down her cheeks fast. "this is why you want help?" he asked "I-i don't know why i'm letting it get thiss far, but i think i'm being po- i dont know why" she cried "you think what?" he asked "i think theres a ghost" she whispered. "Mel, you are really...mel, how?" he asked "i have been seeing this girl, and it started when I first started seeing her...but shes not here jsut now, so why isnt it disappearing" "what disappearing?" he asked "these feelings" she whispered "what feelings honey?" he asked "uh...like, like im not good enough" she looked at jim. Jim looked at her body. Why hadn't he noticed it before? why didnt he feel it when he hugged her, was he so wrapped in his own fairytale that he didn't notice what was happening in front of his eyes. She was so skinny, far too skinny. Her ribs were prominant, her hip bones, her trousers had a belt so tight that she had to make an extra hole. Infact, her face was thinner, her arms, her legs...why was he so blind?

"how did i not see?" he whispered to hiimself "because i was hiding it, big jumpers and shirts and baggy trousers...pretending to eat, eating a little bit in the day...Jim i need help, i really need help" she cried "oh baby" he took her into his arms and rocked her back and forth as she cried, she heard something and looked up, seeing the girl standing at the couch.

"whats your name?" Melinda asked "Sophie" she said quietly "I'm sorry, i was angry, I didn't mean to cause all of this, i-i promise, I dont want to make trouble, i want to just be heard, and i took my anger of not getting what i wanted in life out on you, but heres the thing, i cant stop this from happening to you, you need to believe in yourself, i stopped influencing you a while back, but now it;s all you, and you need to believe, please please believe that you can get through this, not just for you but for them" she said "them?" Melinda asked "the two people who need you" she said and disappeared. "two?" she whispered to herself, lost in thought.

"Jim, we should help the ghost before i get help" she said "no, you need to see someone now, the ghost can wait, all the ghost has done is cause you pain, made you belive her lies about you, made you feel pathetic and useless. You are going to put yourself first and I am NOT giving you a choice, i am worried sick about you and i cant watch you hurt yourself any longer."

"'i'm sorry Jim, I'm so so sorry, I should have seen it straight away and got help, I-i wish i did, i wish i could go back in time and stop this from happening but it's too late now and...and-" "Melinda...it isn't too late, I mean, it's not you, right? it's the ghost?" Jim said "so you get better, cross over the ghost and it will be okay, you will be okay". Melinda nodded her head "yeah course" she said. _Why do I always need to lie? I know it's not that easy, i know that this isn't just about the ghost, but somehow i just don't want to say that to Jim. _"I-I don't feel all that great, can we go to bed?" Melinda asked quietly. "okay, lets go" he said, helping her up and walking up to bed.

Jim was awoken by a sound he didn't recognise. He rolled around to hug mel, to fnd that she wasn't there. "Mel?" he shouted tiredly. He stood up and walked over to the bathroom. The door was slightly opened and he could hear her sobbing quietly. He ran in and saw her slumped over the toilet with tears rolling down her cheeks. "babe" he said, kneeling beside her "you okay?" he asked "i feel so awfull" she mumbled, before coughing and being sick again. "okay, lets get you to bed" He said, when she was finished, he picked her up and lay down with her in bed. He felt her head and sighed "you're warm" he said "I just wanna get some sleep, i'll be okay". Jim looked worried "okay, I'll phone Delia and tell her you are staying off, and then i'll check on you later" he said, then left her to rest.

He made her some toast and fried eggs and a glass of orange juice and put it on a tray then took it up to her. He decded that the only way he could help her get better was if he sat with her while she ate and made sure that she was eating enough.

He shook her shoulder and groaned, but didn't open her eyes. "Melinda, wake up honey" he said, shaking her shoulder again. She mumbled something incoherantly then shook her head and Jim shook her again "baby, you gotta get up and eat breakfast, i'm sorry but you need to". She opened her eyes and sighed, after five minutes she sat up and leaned against the backboard of the bed. "i feel sick, i don't think i can handle anything" she complained "Mel" "i know" she said. She picked up a piece of toast and started to eat it slowly. _you can do this. _she told herself determandly. After The whole plate was empty and her glass was empty too, Jim smiled and kissed her cheek "well done" he said and took the tray away, leaving Melinda to get some more sleep. After he left her alone, he cleaned up the kitchen and called the doctors, making an appointment for the thursday, 2 days away.

Jim was scared, he had never dealt with anything like this. He had treated people with eating disorders a few times, but to see it happening to someone he cared about with all of his heart. He had never seen this heppening to MElinda, whom he had known to see herself as a pretty woman, as a great person. He had never saw her feeling bad aout the way she looked.

He made her a sandwhich with salad for lunch and sat with her for an hour as she ate it. Again kissing her and smiling at her for doing it. It may have just been 2 meals, but it was a start and he knew that if it kept going then she could get over this.

He lay with her for a while andd watched her sleep. He hated seeing her ill but all he could think was soon she would be better, soon everything would be back to normal. Well he hoped it would, but something inside him was screaming that it was changing.

Then, at dinner, he had cooked her steamed vegetables, boiled potatoes and salmon with breadcrums, "Mel, Dinner is ready, do you want me to take it up to you ar are you coming down?" he called up to her, she didn't answer, so he took it in a tray up to the bedroom. Melinda was asleep again and her breathing was off, she was shaking. "Mel?" he called ad sat next to her, feeling her forehead. "gosh, you're really burning up" he whispered more to himself "Mel, wake up darling" he said gently. She stirred and opened her eyes "dinner's ready" he said "no, i'm not hungry" she mumbled, closing her eyes again "Melinda you are making yourself sick, you are burning up with a fever and i know for a fact that you threw up your lunch, you have to at least try" he said "no". Jim sighed, not angrily, but he really wanted her to get better and right now she was acting like she didn't want to "Melind _pleasei"_ he begged, Melinda shook her head and didn't reply "Melinda, sit up and eat, now." he said, giving up on trying to persuade her. If she didnt _want _to get better then he was going to make her. "jim i dont fee-" "i dont care" he said, pulling the covers off of her. "sit up" he said. "Jim" "Melinda, now" he said. Melinda sat up and growled at him. "good now, do you want me to feed it to you or are you going to do this?" he asked, Melinda's face crumpled and tears started to fall "I can't Jim, i don't want it" she cried "Mel, don't make this hard on me, i know that you didn't choose to be in this position and i also know that you want to get better, but you can't get better if you don't try, so please just _please _just try and eat this, just try" he said, Melinda nodded "okay".

She started eating, and Jim watched her closely, making sure she wasn't tricking him. After 2 potatoes and a bit of the fish, but not much, se placed the fork down and stopped eating. "me-" "you asked me to try, i tried now, can you leave me alone for a while so that can digest the food before you force more down my damn throat?" she snapped angrily "Mel...I-I didn-" "yeah, Jim...you're just making me feel more and more guilty and I cannot take it anymore". Jim frowned and took that as a sign to leave her alone. He picked up the tray and took it down to the kitchen, 10 minutes later when he had made her some desert, he could hear her up the stairs moving around. He tiptoed up the stairs, making sure he didn't get heard and listened to what Melinda was doing. She was coughing and gagging, then he heard her being sick, the tap was running presumably to drown out the sound, but he could still hear her and all he wanted to do was cry...it really hurt him to hear her to this to herself.

He knew what he had to do...and it wasn't going to be easy.

**I think that made up for the actual terrible shortness of the last chapter. lotsah ex's & oh's -reaganxxx**


	9. The truth?

The next day was the same, Melinda hadn't eaten anything but a handfull of grapes by 4pm. She wanted to go to work, but Jim knew that was just an excuse to be busy when meal times came around. It had taken about an hour for Jim to actually talk an adament Melinda to stay at home. A lucky thing that he had. At 7pm, dinner time she was in hysterics, fighting with Jim about how he had tried to get her to eat bread, fries and chicken. She wasn't having any of it, she said that she had tried, but Jim barely believed that a half a piece of wholemeal bread with nothing on top was an effort. He got mad at her, yes, but only because he cared, so much that he wanted to scream at her shout at her..._anything_ to get through to her.

He went up to see how she was doing at 9pm, only to find the bed empty. He picked up his cell and dialled her number, waiting for an answer to find it went to answer. _where the hell is she?_ he thought angrily. He called Delia and was relieved to find that Melinda had went there to calm her nerves, so that she didn't get into another fight with him. "she's eating some toast just now, don't worry" Delia reassured him "you wanna come get her or can she stay here the night and i'll drop her at the docs in the morning and you can meet her?" she asked "uh, i'll just come get her in the morning" he said. He hung up the phone and sighed in relief. He was nervous though about the doctors, he knew that if she had lost as much weight as he had presumed she had, then he knew the doctor would maybe be pretty tough on her.

at Delias house, Melinda was sitting in the living room with Delia watching a movie. She had hardly said a word since Delia had given her something to eat and Delia was feeling worried. She made popcorn and brought it in in a big bowl, sitting on the coffee table. "hey, you want some? it's toffee flavour" she asked a quiet melinda. Melinda shook her head and kept staring at the TV "you sure? you only had a little for dinner" she said softly, using a tone that showed she waasn't pushing Melinda. Melinda nodded her head and sighed "i think i wanna sleep now, is the spare bed made up?" she asked quietly "yeah, i just need to set a few pillow cases on" she said, standing up, Melinda followed her into the spare room and sat on the edge of the bed. "you're really quiet, you wanna talk about anything, i'm here to listen" she said "i don't know". Melinda shuffled up to the top of the bed and Delia sat next to Melinda "whats goin' on with you and Jim, why'd you come here?" she asked. Melinda sighed and gave a brief moment of silence before taking a breath "I feel like im a burden, like i'm just causing unnecissery problems and i feel really bad", Delia took her hand "hey, you aren't a burden, you should know that, he loves you and you know that he would have all the worry in the world than to live without you" she said gently "I want to change, to be who I used to be..but it's not that simple, one minute i'm _sure_ that i want to get better and the next minute i'm thinking _why? _Why do i need to get better? _Who _am I getting better for? Because i don't know if it's even pleasing me...I know that sounds stupid but i can't exactly explain whats going on in my head because to be honest I don't actually know" she said. Delia wanted to help Melinda but she didn't know how, she had never dealt with anything like this, all she could do was help to the extent that she could and pray that it has at least the smallest affect on Melinda. "hey, i get that this is hard, honey I know this is the harsh way of putting it, but you need to get better for the sake of Jim, he loves you and i know this is killing him, knowing that all he can do is watch you do this and not be able to help you, you also need to get better for you because I know you miss the way things were before, and thts probably part of the problem, the way you're hurting is making you feel like you need to change something within yourself to keep your mind off of it, you're scared that this ends you and Jims relationship even though it wont, but Mel you have to do this for you and for Jim and your future together" she said. Melinda nodded and hugged Delia, starting to cry lightly "thanks" she whispered.

**review? please.**


	10. The failure

**A/N: i hate cbs/abc/medium. **

Melinda had tears rolling down her cheeks. They had just been to the doctors and she had been weighed. The doctor told her that she was unerweight and if she didnt put on some weight in a couple of weeks she'd be admitted to the hospital. He had given her a strict regime of 2,500 calories a day. She had to eat 3 meals and Jim had to watch her to make sure tht she wasn't pretending.

She wasn't talking to Jim, angry because he had told the doctor everything. She couldnt wrap her mind around everything that was going on, she was scared and she was reluctant not to do this meal plan. Jim had tried to explain to her that he had to do this to help her, but she didn't care. She just wanted to be alone and do what she wanted to do with herself.

Melinda slammed the car door shut and walked into the house, up to the bedroom straight away and closing the door with a loud bang. "dinner will be out in 20 minutes" Jim shouted. Melinda sat on the bed and put her head in her hands "please just leave me" she cried "just _leave _me". 20 minutes later, Jim shouted her down to dinner and she dragged her feet along the floor and down to the kitchen. She sat down at the table and looked at the plate over filled with food, suddenly she just wanted to be sick. "i don't want any" she whispered through tears "Melinda, you're eating it" he said, handing her a glass of water "salt, pepper?" he asked. Melinda glared at him and started to pick at the spaghetti bolognaise "theres parmesan" he said. Melinda pushed back and walked out "Mel, come back" he shouted, she continued to walk away and ignored his pleades to get her to eat. She hadn't even eaten a full forkfull. "Melinda!" he shouted, this time angry. "COME BACK" he shouted, she slammed the bathroom door shut and Jim sighed. walking up behind her and knocking the door.

Meanwhile, Melinda was pacing back and forth. _If i just..._she stopped. _what am I thinking...i don't know what to d...i cannot do this anymore, i can't even make my mind up about what i want...it would be better..._Suddenly melindas mind went blank, she didnt even think about what she was doing, she couldnt control herself, she flung the medicine cabinate open and pulled out a bottle of pills, and another and another, 3 more and she emptied them out into her hands. She locked the door and sat on the floor filling her mouth...she didnt swallow them she just sat there with them in her mouth.

Jim was freaking out, why had she locked the door? He had heard her doing something, but he didn't know what, he waited a couple of minutes then he couldnt take it, he took a few steps back and with all the strength he had he ran into it, it flew open. "Melinda!" he shouted, she was sitting on the floor, her mouth filled with the pills, pills on the floor in her hand and tears pouring down her cheeks. He fell to the floor and forced her mouth open and scraping all the pills out of her mouth, she coughed and choked "Melinda, look at me! did you swallow anything, tell me right now if you swallowed anything" he shouted, she shook her head "are you sure? you have to tell me right now so i can take you to hospital, don't lie to me", she shook her head again "what were you thinking?" she started to cry, sobbing loudly. He took her into his arms and she curled herself into a ball, continuing to cry.

After a while, Jim leaned her against the wall and got her a glass of water, then sat with her while she drank it with shaky hands. He looked into her tear filled eyes "why?" he asked "sorry" she whispered "baby...please tell my why" he said shakily "i-i don't know...my-I just did it, I didn't think" she cried "let's get you to bed". He helped her up and then took her into the bedroom and pulled covers over her. He didn't know what to do, he was scared to ask her to eat because he didnt want to pressure her. "you think you could maybe...maybe just try and eat?" he asked, Melinda shook her head and lay down, closing her eyes, a gesture for him to leave the room.

He left her alone and went down to the kitchen, clearing up the table and taking a plate of pasta for himself. He scraped the food around on the plate and stared into space. _what do I do? I can't believe its got this far. I can't believe I tried to force her...it's my fault, it's all my fault. I need to help her, but i cant make her do anything, i can't make her do this if she doesn't wan't to. _He sighed and washed the dishes, then went into the living room, flicking through the channels, nothing good was on, so he decided just to go up and join Melinda in bed.

He layd down next to her and took her hand, she pulled away and moved further away from him. "i love you" he said quietly, before closing his eyes. She didn't reply.

_I don't understand any of this...maybe it's the ghost causing me to feel this way. I can't take it anymore, i don't want to try because I just don't see what the problem is, there is no problem, right? I will cross the ghost over and this will be over. _

The next morning was really quiet. Melinda sat in the bed with the laptop, looking for information on the girl, but she just couldnt narrow this one down. She got frustrated and slammed the laptop down and sat it on the floor by the bed. It was only 8am, she could hear Jim in the kitchen. Soon, he'd be coming in and watching her eat breakfast. But she just wasn't hungry, she didn't want to eat anything. So, she stood up and went into the bathroom, locking the door and sitting with her back against the door. _He can't make me if he can't bring it in to me. _

After Jim was finished making breakfast, he put it on a tray and carried it up to the bedroom, which he found empty. "mel?" he called. He could hear her sobbing in the bathroom. His heart started to race and his breath cought in his throat, the first thing that came to his mind was the fact that he hadn't taken the pills out of the bathroom. "melinda" he called in "baby are you okay, is everything okay?" he asked, knocking the door loudly "just go away i wont do anything just _please _go away" she cried brokenly "no mel, i won't go away, i'll sit out here as long as it takes you to come out" he said determandly, and he sat on the floor with his back against the door. He could still hear her crying. It killed him, he just wanted to hold her and comfort her...but she wouldn't let him.

7 hours later, Jim was still sitting there, he had begged her and begged her but she didnt listen, he hear her block the doorway with something and she had stopped crying and started again on and off for the whole time. "Melinda, you need to eat or drink something" he said "no" she mumbled "Mel, you didn't eat yesterday so you can't last very long with nothing in your system, you'll get dehydrated" he said "no" she whispered again "no, nono_no_" she cried. Jim sighed and didn't take it any further.

another 3 hours passed. Still, no movement.

10pm came and it was now dark, Jim was tired, hungry and worried "mel, you have to eat" he called "go away" she shouted "me-" "don't, just go to bed, i have blankets in here" she said "no, Melinda you _need _to eat", he touched the door with his hand and imagined Mel touching it on the other side. _I have to help her. _He got a pillow and blanket and set it down for the night. He wasn't leaving this spot untill he knew she was okay.

Jim fell asleep at 3am, as much as he wanted to stay awake, his mind just drifted off.

He woke up with a sore back at 9am, he knocked the door "mel are you awake?" he called in, no answer. He went to the kitchen and made her toast even though he knew she wouldnt come out. He took it up on a plate and knocked the door louder "what" she whispered sleepily "please" he said quietly, softly. "no".

Jim sighed "Melinda, come out right now!" he called in "no". He could hear her voice was weak and shaky. She wouldn't hold out much longer. "i'm givng you one more chance or i will burst in there". On the other side of the door Melinda was curled up in a ball, shivering. She was freezing cold and her head was unberably sore. She knew Jim was right, it wouldnt be long before her body shut down. But she didn't care. She couldn't take the staring anymore, the anger and the fights, the crying and the worry...she just wanted to be alone. She wanted to make her own decisions.

Later that day Melinda started to feel worse, as the day was going on the headache was increasing, she could feel herself burning with fever yet, she was shivering intensivly. At around 8pm that night Melinda had had enough. She sat up against the wooziness and the sick feeling in her stomach and crawled over to the sink, with every bit of energy she had, she gripped the sink and pulled herself up. She turned on the tap and let go to get a glass. But her legs couldnt take it, they were too weak to hold her weight, she had only let go for a split second and she was on the floor.

Her mind was spinning and spinning. She couldn't think straight, she needed help, _fast. _With the small bit of energy she had left, she unlocked the door, before everything went black.

Jim was sitting at the door, trying to find away to help her when he heard a movement, the tap turning on, then a thump, his stomach flipped "mel" he called. No answer, he could hear shuffling, and the door unlocking, "Melinda!" he called, waiting on her to emerge from the bathroom, but nothing. "oh god" he whispered, there was something blocking the door, how was he going to do this.

He carefully pushed it and after 10 minutes, it was moved, he ran into the bathroom and stopped in shock "Mel! Melinda oh my god!" he called, falling to his knees. He felt her pulse...it was barely there. She was as pale as the cold tiled floor, sweat was dripping down her cheeks. She was shaking so profusely that she was almost convulsing.

He knew this would happen.

"okay baby, we're gonna get you some help, i'm gonna get you help" he said franticly, picking her limp body up and carrying her into the bedroom. He shook her shoulder again "Melinda, please wake up honey...oh god" he whispered shakily. He called 911 quickly and held her hand while checking her over.

The EMTs came rushing into the room, 3 men. Bobby was on call, on of Jims work friends "Jim whats happened?" he asked "she hasn't ate or drank anything in nearly 48 hours, shes been out for about 20 minutes, uh...she um...locked herself in the bathroom so she didn't need to eat and then i heard her collapsing" he said quickly "okay, we're gonna need to get an oxygen mask and a stretcher, start an IV on the right arm, we need to do this quick!" Bobby ordered. Before Jim could even get his shoes on, they were out the door and loaded into the ambulance, speeding off to the hospital.

**Cliffhanger...lol, sorry x **


	11. The flames begin

**PLEASE review, so upset by lack of reviews on the last chap :( xo THIS is dedicated to emily :):) xo **

_Trust the voice within. _

As they rushed to the hospital, Melinda opened her eyes halfway and looked at Jim tiredly. He tightened his grip on her hand "hey" he whispered then Melinda's eyes closed again. Suddenly the monitors hooked to her started to beep rapidly "w-whats...whats happening?" Jim asked shakily as Bobby started to rush around her "Mel?" he said in shock. Suddenly the monitor let out a long beep. "no!" he shouted. Jim knew he couldn't move. He watched as Bobby put the airbag on her mouth and pumped her chest. Jim couldn't think, couldn't speak. He was glued to his seat. "Melinda, come on" he could hear Bobby begging her to respond. The Ambulance skidded to a stop and the doors were flung open. He didn't relise but he found himself running alongside the gurney, he refused to stay outside and ran through the double doors into the room with Melinda. He watched at the corner as the doctors shouted orders "I need a crash cart, now!". The room was spinning. He hadn't realised it was this bad, _he _had let it get this bad.

Tears streamed down his cheeks as the pads were placed on her chest "m-e.." he couldn't even get her name out. His face was dripping with tears..._was she gone?_

"we got her back, pulse is low, respiration is low, we need to get an IV inserted right now to get fluids in, get me an oxygen mask" the doctor rushed.

Jim let out the breath he'd been unknowingly holding.

"Mr Clancy, could you please leave the room while we figure out what's wrong with your wife, we will be with you as soon as we know something" the doctor said, pushing Jim out the room. "b-but i need to be with her if she wakes up". They still pushed him out to the corridor to wait alone on the news.

Twenty minutes passed and Delia was running down the corridor. "Jim, what happened?" she asked quickly, pulling him into a hug "She locked herself in the bathroom, i tried to _make _her eat...it's my fault...she stopped breathing, they're doing all these tests for Diabetes and anemia, god this is because of me, if i didn't force her...-" "She'd have just been in the same situation, Jim...stop blaming it on yourself" Delia said, trying to calm him. He shook his head "Delia, I cannot believe this is happening, I am scared to death. She can't keep doing this, yesterday she weighed herself and I saw it, she'd lost 5lb since the last time she'd been weighed. I found her doing sit ups and running up and down the stairs, i know what's happening, but I don't know how to stop it" he said "why don't you get her to see like, a specialist so that you can learn how to help her?" Delia suggested an Jim nodded "I like that ide-" "Mr Clancy" He was cut off my a doctor walking his way "hey, how is she doing?" he asked "can we take a seat Mr Clancy, I need to descuss your wifes condition with you" he said, gesturing towards the seats. Jim sat down "is she okay?" he asked quickly "well, for now she is unconscious still, her body is weak and when she ws brought in, she was severely dehydrated...her blood sugar levels were worryingly low and her iron levels, too. We aren't fully sure what's wrong. but i'm going to take a guess at whats going on at the moment, has she been skipping meals?" he asked, Jim nodded "making excuses?" "yeah" Jim whispered guiltily "hiding behind baggy clothes, depressed, mood swings, cutting food into tiny peaces, hyperactivity, vomiting, taking pills, preparing and obsessing over foods that other people are eating, denial of existance of a problem..." The doctor was listing off symptoms and jim was nodding distantly. He knew that it all lead back to one problem. Anorexia.

"okay very good Mr clancy, now I want you to tell me roughly how long you've noticed a change in Melindas behaviour" he said, Jim thought back, _how long had it been going on? how long had it taken him to actually notice? _"well, i first noticed that she was acting differently about 4 months ago" he said "well, it seems as though Melinda's eating disorder is progressing very fast, for many cases it can take a lot longer for a physiccal change to be noticed, but obviously in Melinda's case...4 months of obsessive under-eating can be fatal, and we see in her files that she was slightly underweight to begin with, but not worryingly, it could be too late to be treated by just us, I think that we need to speak to a speciallist" he said, Jim nodded.

That phrase scared him. _Eating Disorder. _He never thought that this would happen. Melinda loved to eat, loved to look in the mirror and smile at that reflection staring back. Maybe if he'd saw this sooner then there would be no need for a special doctor, all he would need is to tell her that he and everyone loved her and that she was beautiful. He had been seeing a change for 4 months, but how long before then had she been changing? It scared him to know that he had missed something so life threatning.

The doctor was still talking and Jim could only distantly hear him "...one of the main obsticles is _wanting _to get better...and noticing a change...there are lots of different approaches that can be took...Mr clancy?" Jim didn't react to his name, he soon heard Delias voice in the mix "when Can we see her?" she asked him "we can go in soon and I will need to ask her some questions so that we understand what we are dealing with" the doctor turned his attention back to Jim "Mr Clancy, are you okay?" he asked "yeah...yeah I am. I just don't understand why I didn't see it...what the hell is wrong with me that I can't see whats going on right in front of me" "Mr Clancy, it's always hard to see this, it has taken a lot of people a hell of a lot longer to notice, as soon as you saw it you didn't dwell, you did something straight away .I've seen cases when people see it and shrug it off like theres nothing wrong and in them cases it gets very serious" he said to Jim "none of this is your fault, and none of it is Melinda's fault either. eating disorders are so hard to unerstand at times, because you find yourself saying 'why doesn't she just eat, its not that hard' but no one understands what its like fully unless they've experienced it, I have studied it, but it doesn't mean that I get it, that i fully know why in some cases people just choose never to get better. But what I do know is that it's hard for both the sufferer and their families, and that there are many route causes, not just the pressure to have a nice body, but something deep and complex. Please know that if we just work on this, we can stop it before it gets any worse" he said, jim nodded and smiled. His words were slightly reassuring and his voice held truth and understanding, he still felt like punching a wall or screaming out. But he knew that if he just got through to her...that everything would work out, even if it took time.

Melinda woke up to an empty room. It was a bit of a reality check. This wasn't just about a ghost now, this was about her. She felt unbelievably guilty about putting jim through this. she felt guitly about everything that was going on. A couple of minutes passed before a tall Doctor came through the door, followed by a young woman. She had a warm smile on her golden tanned face and she looked at Melinda through her dark lashes. She ran a hand through her rich copper, long and curly hair and looked up at the doctor. "well miss gordon, this is Jennifer conrad, she is gonna ask you some questions and i will leave you guys alone while she asks them, okay?" he said, Melinda nodded "okay, I'll go an wait with your husband and friend while you guys chat" he smiled and walked away.

"Hey, it's melinda, right?" she started, Melinda nodded "well, I'm just gonna ask you a few questions, I just really need you to tell me the truth, I understand it's intimidating, but I just need to get a grasp on what's going on" she said. Melinda nodded. _Does she think I'm five years old? why is she talking to me like I'm a child? and a grasp on whats going on? well, what is going on, why is everyone making such a huge deal, its my bloody body. _

Melinda turned her attention back to the woman next to her. A complete stranger who was asking her things she didn't understand. Things that she didn't want to tell anyone, especially someone who didn't get it, who didn't understand what this hell felt like. Hell wasn't even right, it was like she was captured in a web of fear and lies and everyone was staring at her, _everyone _was judging her, all eyes looking at her and seeing not only what was on the outside but the person who she'd become inside, she was weak, confused, broken, a liar.

Jennifer pulled out her charts and files and sat them on her lap. Melinda looked down and at the top corner, there it was. Grandview Eating disorder centre. Eating disorder. This meant that now it had a name, now they knew and now they were all judging her. Jim. Delia. beth. The doctors. They all would see her as the girl with the eating disorder. And it hurt.

Somehow, she was outraged. She didn't have an eating disorder, she wasn't bulemic or anorexic, she wasn't, _was she?_

"Melinda, are you okay, are you ready for me to start?" she asked, pulling Melinda away from her thoughts. Melinda looked at her, her eyes reflected that fury that shed just been feeling. "I don't think that I need to do this, you don't understand, I don't...i don't have anything wrong with me" she cried. Somewhere inside, deep, deep inside there was a voice, her old voice screaming _yes Melinda, you have something wrong, let her help you. _But that other voice, the one that she'd assumed was the ghost was more overpowering, telling her that, no, nothing was wrong with her. she was being ganged up on and she didn't like it. No, she _hated _it. "Listen, I understan-" "do you, really? Have you ever went through this? or were you just trained to sit here and say these things, to tell me that _I have a problem?_ Don't sit there and act like you are doing me a favour, neither you, or anyone else is doing me a favor. You try sitting here and listening as someone tells you what is happening in your life and acting like it's okay that someone thinks they understand whats going on in your mind when really. they don't have a bloody clue" Melinda shouted. "how the hell do you have a clue when I dont even understand" Melinda shouted accusingly. And there is was, she _didn't _understand, she didn't know what was happening because she'd chose to ignore it. Was there a problem? was she in denial? "Miss Gordon, i know you are upset and I'm sorry for making you feel like this, but i do understand, I _really _do. I was only 10 when it started and I was so confused, when I got told, I reacted like you, I screamed and I yelled...as if it made all the pain go away. But I was in denial, I didn't want to accept there was a problem because it made me feel weak and broken, like after it, no one would want me. But after I realised, things started to get that tiny bit easier. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I got better and The pain and confusion was over, it took untill I was 17 till I got better, but then I realised I had to do something to help people, to make people understand. When I was 21, stress of exams caused it to come back, but after 4 years, I got better and I've been good ever since, and, yes, i do get obsessive sometimes and I get that feeling of emptiness and fear back, but I have a husband and a child now and I know that i cant fall back into it again, It's the only thing that keeps me from it" she said "oh...i'm sorry I shouted...I just...-" "no need to be sorry, okay, Just lets get these questions over and done with and you cn see your husband" she smiled. Melinda nodded "okay".

"have you been experiencing any depression lately?" she asked. Melinda looked at her uneasily "uh...I uh, yeah" she whispered. "okay, can you just talk me through...how you feel, what you think of yourself, I know it seems like a silly question, but trust me...it's just something I need to know in order to help you" . Melinda fidgeted with her hands and didn't look up while she spoke with a small voice "I just...I feel so pathetic, like nothing I do is worth anything, and I feel like im hurting everyone and it just gets me more down and I feel so...suffocated but at the same time, really really lonely" Melinda mumbled "okay, when you look at yourself in the mirror, who do you see looking back?" she asked. Melinda closed her eyes and took a watery breath, Dr Conrad pulled out a tissue and handed it to Melinda as she saw tears falling down her cheeks. "I don't even know anymore" she whispered. Jennifer took her hand and squeezed it. She had been there before, she knew the pain and utter confusion Melinda was feeling right now. Yet, she felt slightly helpless as she sat and watched melinda shake and cry and try and wonder how it got this far.

About twenty minutes later, she was finished with the questions that she had to ask. There was something about melinda that just reminded her of...herself, she understood that Melinda was hiding the fear and confusion that she was feeling, and she understood the anger that came with it, the questions people asked that made you feel suffocated. Melinda also had a sence of strength, a sence of not giving up and not letting the voice inside win all the time. Jennifer smiled at Melinda and was surprised to see a smile being returned. "okay, Melinda...here's the thing, we want to see you every week for 12 weeks, it can just be me and you and I will just talk to you, I wont ask anything that will upset you and I think that it will be a really good thiing for you, we just need you to sign these forms to agree with it" she said, handing over a form "okay" she whispered "do you think you want to do it?" she asked "yeah" she replied softly, filling out the form. "okay, this is the number for my office, if you have any questions, give this number a call, okay?" she said, melinda nodded, "okay, I'll see you on monday, feel better" she said and left the room.

Melinda sighed and leaned her head against the wall behind her. She felt exposed and upset at how she had just layed her life bare on a table for someone to see, every mistake she had made was out there and it didn't feel good. But at the very same time, she felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

_**It was a rushed ending, sorry about that, i got stuck. please review? xxx **_


	12. The only exception

_**Thankss for the reviews xo Anyway, I hope you all are having an awesome summer, make the most of it! you only live once, so go out…get drunk (unless you're underage :L) party, beach it up, take lots of pictures, stay out late, watch a sunrise, fall in love and get into lots of trouble! Lots of love, Reagan x **_

"if you keep refusing these Meals, then we will have to insert a tube. Does that sound like something you'd enjoy?" the doctor said harshly.

Melinda shook her head and looked at Jim. She didn't see what she wanted to see though, and it made her angry. It had been two days since she'd been admitted to the hospital and she hadn't eaten anything at all. The only nutrition she'd been getting was through an IV, not exactly a great source of Calories.

Instead of fighting for Melinda, telling the doctor he was being too harsh, Jim was agreeing with him. _Agreeing. _Melinda was trying to figure out what she'd done to make Jim hate her so much.

Okay, so she kind of understood why he was acting like this. Not because he hated her, but because he hated the thought of losing her. The woman he loved more than life itself.

But she was still angry. She hated what they were saying to her. She hated that they were judging her. she hated what they thought of her. She needed to get away.

"you're all over-reacting. please, just bloody leave me alone. I'll do with myself what I want. I don't want to hear anything else. I want to go home. Take me home, Jim."

"Mel, I can't do that. You're sick, you need to stay here and get better."

"I don't feel sick, I am _not _sick. I don't need any help. _Please _just get me some forms. I can't be here anymore. I can't stand being here."

Jim sighed and walked out of the room. Not to get forms. He wasn't giving up that easy. Not in a million years. He was going to do some research and maybe come up with something that could give Melinda reality check. A huge reality check.

When the room was clear, Melinda didn't waste a minute. She knew she didn't have much time and when Jim left, he didn't seem to be making any move to the desk to get forms. She pulled her IV out the back of her arm and winced as blood started to seep from the cut that the needle had made. She started on more tubes, ripping them off, she was about to get out of the bed when a nurse came running in.

"Mrs Gordon! you can't do that, stay in the bed." she called, running over and gasping as she saw the blood on her shaking hand.

"No, you can't stop me." Melinda insisted, still trying to get out of the bed.

The nurse walked over and placed a hand on her arm "yes, I can. you need a form to get out, we can't just let you leave willingly."

Melinda gave her an angry glare and threw the covers off of her. "well, try and stop me."

She sat up and put her feet on the ground. But the nurse knew exactly what was going to happen next. She walked towards Melinda, and as soon as Melinda had stood up, her knees gave way and she would have fallen to the floor if the nurse hadn't been there to catch her.

"Mrs Gordon, you're too weak to get out of bed. you've been here for three days and you hadn't ate anything for a couple of days before you were admitted, as far as I understand. Think about what you're doing to your body. It can't handle this." she helped Melinda into the bed and carefully wiped the blood away from her hand. She re-inserted the IV and the machines and gave Melinda a glass of ice cold water.

"can I ask you something?" Melinda asked after she took a sip of the water.

The nurse nodded and her head looked up from the chart she was writing on.

"why is it that you guys treat patients really kindly when they've…say, been in an accident or are sick, like 'disease' sick. But with me, its like…I dunno, you're all acting like…-"

"like what?"

"like what I'm doing Is all wrong, like everything is my fault and no one else's"

"Mrs Gordon. We don't act like that. But you need to understand something, and I don't know if I should actually be talking to you about it. But when we have cases like yours, it's a hard thing to approach. But the only way we can is by being honest, and making you see that…no one can help you get better but yourself. If you don't want to get better, the only way we can get you better is to force you to eat…and we can't do that…but your husband could. But I know he wouldn't want to, because that would be hard to forgive. I know it sounds silly, but this….it's not an accident, you're not sick because your body has an infection. But I do understand that it's not completely your fault. no one chooses to get into this situation. Especially not someone who has a husband like _that, _but if you don't see soon, then you'll never get better. Do you understand?"

Melinda nodded and took a teary breath.

"I want to do it, I do. But everytime…-"

"what?"

"every time I try…there's….there's this voice in the back of my mind, it's telling me that what I'm doing is wrong. That I'm letting myself down by letting my guard down. I know, it's stupid. But I can't really explain…it's like theres someone in my head stopping me from being myself. And I don't know how to control it."

The nurse sighed and wrote something else on the chart, before giving Melinda a brief smile and leaving her alone to process what had just happened. Not long after the nurse left, Melinda was asleep.

She could hear someone whispering, but instead of showing she was awake, she listened into the conversation of who she'd assumed was Jim and a doctor.

"how is she?"

"I don't know If we are making any progress. She seemed very weak when I came in to check on her."

"I don't mean that…"

"a nurse came in and caught her trying to leave, she said she wanted to go home. As soon as her feet hit the ground, she collapsed, making it evident of how weak she is. She had a chat with her and it pretty much made my decision for me,"

"what?"

"Jim…Melinda is showing all the signs pointing back to anorexia. We already knew that. But the thing is…I'm not sure if we are going to be able to convince her to eat. It's not just that she doesn't want to, but when she does, she'll put on weight, and although it may seem like she's making progress when she does so, that could cause her to go back ten steps. not unless…"

"unless what?"

"not unless we take drastic action."

"and what would that be?"

"well, one of the problems is that Melinda thinks a lot of what other people think of her, especially you. If we can get her past that stage then it will be easier to help her. But with you here all the time, we don't know if that will be all that easy"

"what are you saying, doc?"

"maybe if you didn't see her for a while, and we kept her in for maybe a couple of weeks, then we could make the difference we need to make."

With that, Melinda had hear enough. Her eyes flew opened and she sat up. There was no way that she would be stuck in here without Jim for a whole 2 weeks. It was bad enough even with the presence of him here, never mind completely alone in a wall made of 4 plain white walls and a TV that only showed standard channels in black and white -because they couldn't get better signal-.

Melinda waited for the words she wanted to hear, _no doc, I would never leave my wife alone in a hospital to recover from something that isn't even happening. _But the look on Jims face showed the complete opposite than what she wanted…he was actually considering it. She had never been so angry at someone in her entire life. This passed her mothers denial, this passed all of those malevolent spirits that had tried to feed from her guilt and anger of losing her best friend to something that was her fault. God, this passed all those years of being told she was nuts, that she was crazy, that she belonged in a loony bin. This made her want to cry, scream and hit Jim, something she'd never felt before. Even though he was doing what was best for her, she felt no love in it at all. She felt like everyone in this goddamn place _hated _her, even more than she had learned to hate herself.

She clenched her teeth and her hands were shaking with pure rage. Jim saw her expression, but his consideration didn't fade with guilt. It made him feel bad, yes. But he knew deep in his heart that this is what she needed. Help.

"Do not tell me you are actually considering this?"

Jim stood up and made his way to Melinda's bed, "baby, you have to understand-"

"oh, I understand" she bellowed "I understand very well Jim. I know that you've had enough of me. you are judging me over everything that's happened in this past month. You want me to cry. you want me to be in pain You might as well have just slapped me, hard, right across the face. You think that this is love? _Love _is thinking about what the other person might want. And me, I don't want this. But you are actually considering it? _considering _it? I thought you cared about me, I thought you wanted to spend every minute with me. But you think I'm an anorexic nut case who can't fend for herself!"

Jim was taken aback by Melinda's outburst. She didn't understand She didn't know why he was making this decision.

Or maybe it was him who didn't understand? Because she did seem upset, she seemed genuine that she hadn't a problem. Maybe he was being harsh. Maybe that plead she'd given him earlier was ignored harshly and now…Now she was talking like she _hated _him. Maybe he _was _in the wrong.

Instead of completely dismissing the idea, Jim let it linger in his mind while he watched the doctor try and talk to Melinda. Would it really make a difference? Not being able to se each other for a whole two weeks…or would that make it worse? Did the doctors actually know what they were talking about?

Jim was in a situation he had hoped he'd never have to be in. But he was. And he had to decide, soon.

Should he take the chance and take Melinda home then try an heal her himself?

Or should he risk his marriage so that the one woman that he loved, cared for and vowed to be with in sickness and in health…could get better and become the old Melinda?

It was all too much.

**Well, what did you think? ****J you know what would be nice? If you reviewed….*SMILE* **

**have a happy summer. **

**Reagan. **

**xo **


	13. The fall

Jim was staring at the phone, hoping that it would happen quicker. Hoping that something would happen and he'd wake up and all of this be a dream. But instead, he was here, in his darkened down living room with the phone sitting in front of him, waiting on the chance to hear from the nurse.

It hadn't been an easy choice. In fact, to Jim, this was the worst decision he'd ever made in his entire life. But he would rather see Melinda better than to have to stop listen to the sound of her sweet voice all together. Yes, maybe this would risk their marriage. But he'd rather have to end the relationship than Melinda being gone forever. At least this way he'd have a fighting chance.

It had been 27 hours 15 minutes and 23 seconds. He had it counted up to the last second. That was when she told him that she'd rather die than see his face again. Delia had called. He'd ignored. Eli had called. He'd ignored. Beth had called he'd ignored. Faith had called and of course, he'd ignored.

It was all so much. It was all too much.

He wanted to run to her and shout at the doctors for getting In his head. But that wasn't the right thing to do. He had to wait, agonizing wait by the phone.

Three days passed. That was enough. Knowing that Melinda was alone in that small suffocating hospital room was driving Jim nuts. He absolutely hated himself for the decision he'd made.

He threw his coat and shoes on and ran out to the car, with a roar of the engine, he was off to save his wife from the hell he'd put her in.

He ran through the never ending light blue corridors, pushing past people till he got to Melinda's room. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the sight before him.

Doctors were surrounding her bed, one was holding a bag over her mouth and nose and another was saying her name over and over again. There was a doctor shouting orders and another was footering about with several wires. Jim took a shaky breath and his eyes filled with tears.

"mel?"

A nurse walked towards him, closing the door behind her and the blinds to the window were shut.

"what's happened? why didn't you guys call me?"

"we were about to, Mr clancy, she won't eat, she refuses to let us insert and IV. She's severely dehydrated. She tried to get out, we found her in the hallway, unconscious. She had a seizure because of her severely low blood sugars. We are trying to get her heart going right now" she looked at Jim sadly and placed a hand on his arm.

"I'm so sorry."

The next thing Jim knew, he was covered in a light sheen of sweat. He was no longer in the hospital, he was asleep on the couch. He shot up and with fast, shaky breaths he picked up the phone and called the hospital. It had been a dream. But it was so vivid. So real. So absolutely terrifying.

The nurse had assured Jim that she was doing no worse but no better than when hed last called. But that didn't change it. He had to get over there and see her. Now.

He ran into the hospital and up to Melinda's room as fast as his legs allowed him. She was asleep, beside her was an empty food tray. An _empty _tray. He walked slowly to her bedside, knowing he wasn't supposed to be there and shook her shoulder.

"Mel, wake up." he whispered. She stirred and looked up at him. Her eyes filled with tears and she closed her eyes again.

"its just a dream." she whispered.

"no, I'm here. God, I'm sorry for leaving you. I thought it would be okay, because I was doing it for you. But I couldn't live with myself knowing you were here and I was in the house."

"I want you to get better, but not here. I'm taking you home." he said.

Melinda turned to face him and he laid down facing her on the bed.

He took her hand and looked into her large hazel eyes.

"you're gonna get better, and in the meantime know that I love you. You're the most beautiful woman in this planet, okay?"

Melinda smiled and nodded. "I ate breakfast, most of lunch and dinner today," she said proudly "I'll get over this."

Jim smiled and kissed her head. "that's the attitude."

Two days and 6 meals later, Melinda seemed to be regaining some bubbles. She smiled at Jim as he got her some discharge forms. She was getting out, even though the doctors insisted that she shouldn't. She was wearing a light pink dress with white heels as she and Jim left the hospital. She ignored the fact that a couple of girls mentioned that she was 'too skinny' she ignored the fact that she had no make up on and her hair hadn't' been done that morning, she was just happy. Happy that she was out of the hospital and happy that she and Jim were still perfectly in love.

Just as she got to the end of the corridor, an eerry whisper came from behind her. The hospital went dark and everyone disappeared. She soon found herself alone, wandering the halls of an abandoned house.

_The walls were covered in moulded wallpaper, coming loose in the corners, there were spider webs all over the place. She shivered as she felt a cold wind fill the room, she hugged herself tight and fell to her knees. "Jim?" she called. "Jim?" her voice came back. She shivered more intensely and curled herself into a ball. "s-s-s-someone…someone help?" she stuttered, fear and coldness spread throughout her body as she shivered more. She looked up to see the same girl who had come to her before. "this is what she feels like." she whispered. "all the time. Alone, cold, scared…you have to help her." she whispered. Melinda managed to sit up, "w-who?" she asked through chittering teeth. "my sister, you're getting better, now you need to help her." she said. "you need to help her now, or it will be too late." she cried. Melinda stood up and looked around. "what is this place?" she asked. "its my old house." she mumbled. "what is your sisters name?" she asked. "Amy…Amy Macdonald, we live on hazen street, 140" she said. Melinda then realised, she knew this girl. "okay." she managed to whisper. The place got darker and darker and colder and colder. Soon, Melinda was in complete darkness. _

She opened her eyes and she was laying on the ground, a few nurses hovering over her. She blinked to clear her mind and slowly with the help of a nurse, she sat up. "what…what happened?" she asked a frantic Jim. "you fell over, blacked out." he said "we better get you back to a bed, Miss Gordon." one of the nurses said. Melinda shook her head. "I'm okay." she said "I'm really okay."

After getting checked out Melinda went home with Jim and told him about the vision, about how she had to help this little girl, and Jim decided that she was right. This was the right time.

**SHITT chapterrr and it was a equally shit ending, sorry xxx **


	14. The voice within

**Hey guys! This story doesn't have long left, which to be honest is a little bit of a relief, it's totally losing appeal lol. I think you can only stretch your idea so far, you know? Anyway, I hope you've enjoyed it up to now, I've liked writing it, but now im just happy to have one less thing to worry about updating. THANKS for every review I've received ****J lots of love, reagan x **

Melinda sighed as Jim gave her his usual worried glance. "come on Melinda." he said. "you've been doing so well. Don't give up on me now." he begged. Melinda nodded, putting a bit of pasta in her mouth. "I don't feel good." she mumbled. Jim placed his hand on her head, thinking she was just making up excuses, but she was warm. He sighed and took both their plates away. "how much have you eaten today?" he asked. "not sure, not much." she mumbled. "that's why you're sick. Do you _want _to end up back in the hospital? Your body isn't back to normal Mel."

"I know that Jim. But you try being in my shoes, and you try just putting yourself back into a normal routine, It's not that easy." she shouted. "I'm not hungry, do you eat when you're not hungry? Didn't think so. So why is It so different for me?" she shouted. "Because you're SICK! You need to get better, and that will never happen unless you TRY!" Melinda stood up and threw the glass she'd been holding towards the wall. "DON'T YOU THINK I WANT TO GET BETTER JIM! YOU DON'T NEED TO KEEP REMINDING ME THAT IM SICK, I KNOW THAT!" she screamed, louder than she'd ever shouted before. Jim gasped and stepped back, shocked at her outburst. Melinda had tears rolling down her cheeks "I have had _enough _of this crap! Enough of YOU. I _love _you Jim, but sometimes you need to take a step back. I need to think about all of this on my own without you being up in my face telling me everything that I'm doing wrong! I've gone what? A week now doing things right for you, for myself. And now I just CANT DO IT!" she shouted, turning round to leave the room. But as she turned, instead of facing the door, she was facing the young girl. She was angry, Melinda could feel it, the room was spinning. "Jim…" she muttered, feeling light-headed by the young girls anger. Jim ran to her side and placed his arm around her waist then helped her to a chair.

"w-what do you want?" he asked quietly. "you need to listen to him, Melinda. Please," she begged, standing in front of her. Melinda shook her head "you don't understand." she said "yes, I do. You know that. You need to help yourself Melinda, let him help you. And I need….I need your help." she said.

"what do you need My help for?" she asked. The girl sat down in front of Melinda, she was no longer angry, but she needed Melinda to listen, she took a deep breath and begun to speak. "you need to understand what it felt like for me, and what could happen to you if you don't listen," she said, "Anorexia was like…running down a hill, at first its such a rush to feel that wind hit your face as you speed on the downward slope, but then you're going too fast and there's bruises appearing that aren't noticeable, then you trip and you're rolling down, unable to stop, you just keep rolling and rolling and no matter how much you try and try to get to your feet, its impossible. When you hit the bottom, you're left with all the bruises for the world to see."

Melinda felt sick, listening to this girl tell her her story, knowing that she was experiencing these exact feelings.

"the struggle started when I begun high school. I was a size 10, and everyone around me seemed so much more skinny. People bullied me, not for being fat but for being a geek. I had been doing well, getting amazing grades and I pushed and pushed myself to maintain those. The school work took over meal times, I was too busy to eat, I didn't want to let anyone down by failing anything. But then people started to tell me that I looked good, and that's when I noticed that I'd lost weight. It wasn't about losing weight at first, but when I saw that I looked a little better than I had before, I decided why not keep the weight off? So, I cut down on calories and the pounds were shedding. By winter, my fall clothes were falling right off. I guess I never noticed how skinny I was getting. My mother noticed one day that I'd been looking a little on the ill side and took me to the doctor. She hadn't noticed how much weight I'd lost either, because I'd become an expert at covering myself up with baggy hoodies, I wasn't sure why I did that, to be honest. It was in school one day that I passed out and the look on my mothers face when the doctor revealed my weight loss and that's when I got scared. The doctor asked me if I'd ever heard of anorexia, of course I had, but I didn't have it…or I was sure I didn't. My mother tried to get me help, but I didn't want it. Only 2 months after being admitted to the hospital, my heart stopped. I regret the way it ended, I had so much to live for…like my writing and my school, my sister and my friends and parents. But I didn't see that then, all I saw was the bad stuff. And now I've lost everything."

Melinda gripped Jim's hand and let tears fall down her cheeks.

"My sister is acting like I did and I've been watching her. She's lost weight, she cries all the time. We were twins, so close and now she thinks she's alone, but she's not. You need to tell her, you need to help her. _Please" _she asked. Melinda shook her head "I'll go tomorrow…and….thanks." she mumbled. "what for?" she asked "for making me see." she said, smiling. "you're really pretty Melinda, inside and out don't forget that." she said, before disappearing.

Melinda took a teary breath and tried to stop the next round of tears flowing, but they fell anyway. She let out a small sob and Jim kneeled next to her and took both her hands. "baby look at me." he said. Melinda looked into his eyes, tears still running down her face. "you're going to get better, I know you are, because I trust you can. I love you and I am here with you every step. I know you might think I'm doing this to annoy you, but its just because I hate to see you down on yourself. You're too beautiful to feel like this about yourself." he said. Melinda nodded "I…Love…you" she said through sobs. Jim tightened his grip "I want you to help me. If I get annoyed, keep pushing me. I hate this, I don't want all of this. I want to be the way I used to be…happy." she said. Jim smiled "honey, I promise." he said.

"we need to go out, what time is it?" she asked. "it's 5 after 6, where do we need to go?" he asked. Melinda stood up and grabbed her bag. "to help the ghost." she said, "lets go."

**Well, I don't feel 100% confident with that chapter. TBH this fic is one of my least faves of my own, because its just….blah lol. But, I hope **_**you **_**have enjoyed it. I'd say theres about 2 or 3 more chaps left. I am working on some new stuff, I'm not putting up summaries though coz im not sure that I **_**will **_**post them. THANKS for reviewing J xxxxxx**


	15. The healed?

**GUYS I totally forgot the name of the ghost in this lool, so I'm making it up in this chapter. Sorry! **

Melinda knocked on the door of the young girls house with a shaking hand and waited on a reply. A woman in her mid forties answered the door, her eyes were bright red like she'd been crying for a while. Her hair was pulled back in a frizzy bobble, her skin was pale and pasty. "hello" she almost whispered, her voice shaking. Melinda took a step forward and with a warm smile, she introduced herself. "hello, My name is Melinda Gordon. I knew your daughter, Amy." she said. The woman gasped a little and Both Jim and Melinda could tell she was stopping herself from crying. "h-how?" she managed. Melinda smiled again "if you could spare 5 minutes..?" she asked. The woman nodded and led them into a small kitchen. There was a round table in the middle of the room where she showed Jim and Melinda to sit down.

"how did you know Amy?" she asked quietly, turning on the kettle.

"Well…" Melinda started. "this is going to sound crazy, and I understand that. But I need you to just listen to me. I have a gift. Sometimes when someone dies, their soul is…lost, they have unfinished business and they seek me to help them with it. I help them find closure and cross over into the light." she said. The woman sat down across from Melinda and looked at her in utter shock. "…and you've seen Amy?" she asked. Melinda nodded, "she came to me around 6 months ago. I'd have come here sooner…but I've been going through some things myself…" she mumbled, her voice getting shaky as she went on. "what does Amy want? What does she need help with?" she asked. "she told me how she died, how her sister was affected by it…is your other daughter in?" she asked. She nodded and sighed "she's in bed though, she's not well." Melinda reached over and touched the woman's hand "I didn't catch your name.." she said gently. "Cathy." she said. "Cathy, could I please have a word with your other daughter. I think that is what is keeping Amy behind. I understand what she's going through…with her…eating…" "how did you know about that?" she asked. Melinda sighed.

"When Amy came to me, she gave me visions of her life, the way she felt. But, the visions were so strong, I mixed them up with my own life. I started to lose confidence and well…the past 6 months or so, I've been battling an…eating disorder." her voice cracked at the word eating disorder. "Amy wants me to tell her Sophie that she needs to believe in herself, she wants me to tell her that Amy is happy where she is now, that she regrets ever worrying about her weight. She wants her to know that she loved her."

Cathy took Melinda's hand and smiled softly, a tear running down her cheek. "are you getting better?" she asked. Melinda looked down. She nodded a little, not 100 percent sure if she was being honest or if she was just trying to please Jim.

Cathy led Melinda to Sophie's room and left her alone with the now awake young girl. She looked a lot like Amy, just a few differences. "Sophie, my name is Melinda." Sophie sat up in her bed and pulled her knees up to her chest. "I want to talk to you about your sister." she said.

"what about her?" she asked. "well, let me start off by saying, I have a gift." she said "I can see ghosts, they come to me for help. Your sister came to me for help." she said, waiting on her laughing or throwing her out angrily. "she's around? Is she here right now?" she asked, hopefully. "yes, she's right next to you." Melinda replied, looking at Amy who was staring at her sister. "tell her that I'm sorry for leaving." she said. Melinda smiled "she is sorry that she had to leave, she loves you so much…she's telling me about how you promised to go to LA when you guys turned 21 and just spend weeks on the beach, learn how to surf and -" "camp outside Johnny Depp's house" Sophie finished for her. "why did you leave me? Why did you give up…you promised me…I told you so many times that you didn't need to lose anymore…" Sophie cried. Amy took a shaky breath "it got out of control, I didn't mean it. But now you're just doing what I did, why are you doing that to yourself?" she asked. Melinda repeated what she said, holding the tears back "because…I can't live without you. How can I accept who I am, knowing that I look like you and you hated yourself so much that you had to do that. I mean, I must be ugly if you saw yourself like that." she cried. "No!" Melinda blurted out "you're not ugly, not one bit. Look, I have been going through the same thing for 6 months now, look at me, I'm far too skinny right now, I need to cover myself up because I feel so unattractive…but you don't want to get like this, please listen to me and your sister. Stop _now." _Melinda begged. Sophie looked at her and nodded. Melinda felt like she was telling total lies, she was begging this girl to do something she didn't have an ounce of courage to do herself.

"promise me," Amy said "that you'll get better and that you'll move on with your life, I'll never forget you Sophie" Melinda took a teary breath and turned to Sophie "she's about ready to move on, but you need to promise you'll eat." she said. Sophie nodded furiously "I _promise." _she said. Melinda smiled "see the light?" she asked. Amy shook her head "I need to see my mom first." she whispered.

Melinda walked down to the kitchen where Jim and Cathy were sitting and she took a seat. "she wants to say goodbye." Melinda said. Amy appeared next to Cathy "tell her that I would have never let it get that far if I'd have just…known. Tell her that it wasn't her fault at all, I just lost control. Tell her that…I loved her more than she thought." Amy was crying now, and so was Melinda as she repeated to Cathy what amy had said "baby, you were so beautiful, why didn't you see that?" cathy asked "because, she was lost." Melinda said, knowing exactly how it felt "she was so lost in all of these…obsessions that she forgot what it was about in the first place."

Jim took Melinda's hand and squeezed it tight.

"she sees the light" Melinda said as Amy looked at the bright golden light. "it's…amazing." she gasped.

"then go into it."

"bye mom and Melinda…thank you." she whispered, before walking into the light.

Melinda leaned into Jims chest. "she's gone." she whispered, tears streaming down her cheeks. Cathy let out a sob and hugged her other daughter who'd come down to see her.

**WELWELLWELLWELLWELLL **

**I didn't really know how to end that and the crossing over bit wasn't how I wanted to write it, but heyho! Hope you liked it xxx**


	16. The beautiful

_**Every day is so wonderful, then suddenly it's hard to breathe. **_

Melinda lifted her T shirt over her head and pulled her jeans down. She stepped away from the heap of clothes and stood in front of the mirror to assess herself. The damage she'd done was beyond noticeable. After months of near-enough starvation, her weight had dropped from 125lbs to 90lbs. Her once curvaceous figure had wasted into nothing but skin and bones. She hated the way her ribs pushed uncomfortably against her skin, how prominent her hip bones were. Her clothes hung from her petit figure unattractively. She shivered and kneeled down to the floor. She couldn't exactly say that everything that had happened was the ghosts fault. _yes _the ghost had influenced her. But she must have somehow properly believed what she was hearing, she must have properly thought that she was ugly, she was too fat. She was starting to hope things would get better, but she knew they couldn't get better if she didn't believe in herself. She wanted to believe she was moving on from it all, but the voice in the back of her mind that had developed just wouldn't budge. Which made this even scarier. Melinda ran her hand through her hair and was overcome with emotion. She let out a sob and a tear fell down her cheek.

_**Now and then, I feel insecure from all the pain, I'm so ashamed. **_

Melinda heard a shuffling coming from the door of the room. Through her tears, she looked up to see Jim approaching her with a worried look on his face. He got down on his knees and wrapped his arms around her. "Melinda, don't do this to yourself." he whispered. "I just…what have I done?" she mumbled. "we shouldn't't think about the past. Let's think about the right now, right now, you're getting better, right now I'm holding you in my arms, feeling nothing but pure love for you." he said gently. Melinda nodded "I know that…but…don't you look at me and just think about it, everything I put you through. You tried to help me and I just ignored you. I don't even know why, I guess…I just didn't't see what you saw." she said. Jim held her chin so she was looking into his eyes. "do you know what I see?" he asked. Melinda shook her head and tried to look away. "I see this amazing woman, who helps people with things no one else can. I see the woman that changed my life so much when she met me. I see the same woman that I first saw in her nightdress, hair straight, no make up on, coming out of a burning apartment and saving a neighbours life. I see the woman who loves life, and doesn't't waste a minute of it. A woman who would go to the forest at 3am just to help a lost soul find themselves. I see the same woman I've always saw, the same beautiful eyes, the same beautiful smile. I see Melinda Gordon, the most amazing woman to walk this planet." he said. Melinda nodded and smiled. His words were like a security blanket, made her feel right, made her feel safe. Melinda tested herself. She took a deep breath and looked in the mirror. She closed her eyes and let the words pass her lips "I am _beautiful…" _

_**I am beautiful no matter what they say, no words can't bring me down. I am beautiful, in every single way, words can't bring me down. So don't you bring me down today. **_

Jim took her hand and squeezed it gently. But the words didn't feel right, they felt like poison, like a lie. She took a teary breath and shook her head. "no," she mumbled "no, I'm not."

_**To all your friends, you are delirious, so consumed, in all your doom. **_

"one step at a time Melinda, but you'll see. It might take time, but you'll feel better one day." he said "and one day you'll look in the mirror and honestly tell yourself that you're beautiful." he kissed her cheek and let his arm rest around her waist. "but…what if I never let myself get better?" she asked "only you can make that choice, but Melinda, I know you. You will get better, I believe that."

_**Trying hard, to fill the emptiness, the piece is gone, left the puzzle undone. Aint that the way it is?**_

Jim noticed her change in expression, her distance. She had tears ready to fall, but he _wouldn't _let her cry. He looked into her eyes again, taking her hand and holding it tight. "I'm telling the truth Melinda, please believe me." he said.

'_**cause you are beautiful no matter what they say, words can't bring you down. You are beautiful in every single way. Yes, words can't bring you down. So don't you bring me down today.**_

Melinda smiled and nodded. "I believe you." she whispered. And this time, it felt right. His voice, it was bringing her back. Jim pulled a T-shirt over her head and ran his hand along her cheek. "you are beautiful." he whispered. Melinda leaned in and kissed him softly. She pulled back and stood up, looking at herself in the mirror.

"Melinda, you're beautiful." she said to herself.

_**No matter what we do, no matter what we do, no matter what we say. We are the song inside the tune, full of beautiful mistakes. And no matter where we go, the sun will always shine, but tomorrow we might awake, on the other side. **_

A month later, Melinda was again admitted to the hospital, after another dramatic weight loss. She was properly diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa.

2 Months later, she was transferred to The Grandview Eating Disorders clinic for a 3 week stay. She barely got to see Jim, and it put a strain in their relationship, but they got through it. When she was finally allowed home, she had put on an amazing 8lbs.

For 3 months, she stayed at 90lbs, never losing or gaining weight.

A month after that, she lost another 5lbs, she was _again _admitted to the hospital.

4 months later, her periods started again, a fantastic step.

One month after that, she got pregnant. That was when she _promised _herself, she'd stay healthy, for her and her baby.

9 months later, she delivered a healthy baby girl, and Melinda was now 110lbs, her best weight yet.

**WE are BEAUTIFUL in no matter what they say, words cant bring us down. **

**WE are **_**BEAUTIFUL **_**in every single way, words CANT bring us down. **

_**DON'T YOU BRING US DOWN ToDAY**_

**PLEASE READ THIS! **

_**Guys, I want you all to know that you ARE BEAUTIFUL, (sounds so cheesy) never get down on yourself, its hard to get to a point when you look in the mirror and see nothing but the bad, trust me. Never let yourself get like that, just listen to what I am saying: **_

_**We are all amazing at different things, weather it be writing or playing the piano or drawing or dancing, there's something that you can do, some people are models and some people aren't, but that doesn't make them more beautiful, always remember that. **_

_**You don't need to have a pretty face or a skinny body to be beautiful. **_

_**It's about what is on the inside. **_

_**Anorexia nervosa can strike anywhere, be aware of that. It can be in the overweight person you're sitting next to. It's not a problem of the body, it's a problem in the mind. It's the fear and obsession that overtakes you, you need perfection, you need control. If you think someone is showing signs of it, help them. If **__**you **__**feel like you relate to this story, don't take it too far. Right now, if you feel like you need to improve, ignore the bad and look at the good. And I feel stupid for saying all of this, because I'm pretty much the most self conscious person in the planet, there is (for me) always going to be room for improvement. But its not good to get like that, to always feel inadequate, like you **__**need **__**to be better for those around you. Be aware of anorexia. I understand this is the longest AN ever, but I just want you guys to know that is why I wrote this. THANKS for the reviews xxxx **_

_**REAGAN ( JIMELFOREVERX) **_


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